October 28th 2:04PM
Footloose child, and fancy-free
or:
"Everybody who has a job, raise your hand. Not so fast, Bickle."
I got fired today. Interestingly, my initial reaction wasn't to scan the Classifieds, but to blog. I love being different.
For me, there's a feeling of liberation that accompanies a worst-case scenario actually occurring. It happened when my ex-wife stopped kidding around and formally requested an increase in the amount of child support we pay. For a long time, I walked on eggshells, and worried that she would take this avenue, impacting our finances. Once she did, there was no long anything hanging over my head. The same odd elation accompanied this event. The worst thing that could have been done - is done. I don't have to worry about it anymore. Of course, I never should have in the first place.
But I remain bouyant. I have been whistling to myself all morning, considering options, next moves, etc. I have no doubt that life will go on, and improve. It's just a matter of how.
For now, bring on the weeked, with even more reason to party than before.
October 25th 7:49AM
I shoulda never done it.
Ever since last week's rundown on travel costs to Paris, I've experienced a renewed interest in Paris and the French language. Can't get it out of my head. I haven't done much about it, but it's there. I am considering making a few minutes per week to renew my French studies. I am also aware that I am wholly unreliable, especially where good intentions are involved.
Did I mention I'm going to Reno to gamble, drink, celebrate my undying love for my wife and see John Bizarre? Oooh, it's gonna be fun.
October 21st 7:49AM
Quotes of the Day
I belong to a business organization, the leader of which asks the group for "quotes of the day" at each meeting. I want to contribute, but I fear that my background and culture are quite different than hers, and I don't think she'd appreciate the quotes that I have come to know and love.
- "It's all pink in the middle"
- "You're only gay if you're on the bottom"
- "There ain't no joy like a fat-butt boy"
These are not phrases I'm proud of, but they're all I can come up with. Perhaps I can close our meetings with a sensitive ode to "Swimmin' with bowlegged women, " or that limerick about the charming fellow from Nantucket.
October 18th 12:49PM
Walking funny
I decided to do something besides whine about my lack of exercise, so I've been lifting some weights. My legs are killing me; this must be what it's like owing money to the midget mafia, and having taken an excruciating beating to the thighs. I shuffle about like a cross between Lon Chaney's The Mummy and Ed Norton just after the prison rape scene in American History X. Now I know why bodybuilders walk funny - they're not arrogant, they're in pain.
A Bizarre Anniversary
My wedding anniversary is coming up, and we nearly gave up on doing much to celebrate it - you know, every day being such a celebration in its own right and all. (Psst - I'm rolling my eyes now)
Well, that was before my Dad and Denise hooked me up phat, and booked us a room and a show in fabulous downtown Reno, Nevada, to see John Bizarre at the Catch a Rising Star! Yeah, ya wish you were me now, don'tcha?! Well, suck on the wet end, bubba, because I'm goin', and you ain't!
Unless you are, which you should, and in which case, I'll see you there...
Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to it.
And speaking of the unlikely
Expedia reports that prices have dropped on airfare to Paris, from $688 to $493, a not-unimportant amount. It would be wonderful to go again, but I'm not ready anyway. I'd like to toughen my legs for hours of delightful walking punishment, and get a lot farther with my language skills, which have languished embarrassingly for months. Mmmm, but it would still be nice. Hey, maybe next year Pops and Denise will spring for it. They'd better start saving now.
Ooooh, I've been screwing around at Expedia, and found round-trip tickets (airfare only) for about $483. Also, there are hotel + airfare trips to be had for two adults and a 12-year old for as little as $756 per Ugly American. Mmmm... Them's not a bad deal, there.
My daughter would dig it like crazy. Maybe. Who knows, maybe she'd hate it, which would piss me off like crazy. But I doubt it.
October 16th 5:24PM
This place is freakin' gorgeous
I took my son for a nice long walk this afternoon, giving my wife a break from the bliss that is my son. We strolled around the hilly, twisty roads that spill out along my neighborhood like a nearly-finished plate of spaghetti.
I've always been more enamored with the beautiful Sierra Nevada mountains than with their stunted, scruffy little brothers, the foothills. Something about the rocky clay dirt and the prickly brown vegetation that dominates the landscape for nine-tenths of the year put me off.
Now that I've lived here for half a year, it grows on me. There's a point just outside of Wallace, right at the Calaveras/San Joaquin county line on Highway 12, that bucks the system, and supports what looks like a tiny little wetland. Scrub brush gives way to reeds and grass, and I rarely drive through without seeing a hawk or crane. On a recent commute, I saw what I am sure was a big-ass fox, but could have been a coyote. I don't know what it was- what am I, the Croc Hunter?
Anyhoo, there are some terrific views in my neighborhood, and the occasionally impressive number and type of wildlife. Other than the domesticated fauna, I've seen quail, turkeys, turkey vultures, hummingbirds, lop-eared jackrabbits, short-eared little cutie-pie bunnies, and some other stuff I'll probably remember better later. Makes me wish I could better identify wildlife.
The long and short of it is that although there are some very nice views to be viewed in my neck of the woods, I haven't seen many that beat the gander you can get right offa my back deck - where the beer is near and the livin' is easy.
October 16th 7:28AM
Plateaued
I weighed in this morning at 204.5. I haven't made the time for exercise, and I am not progressing because of it. "It is what it is."
October 16th 6:43AM
Tivo Blues
Remember when watching TV used to be a leisure activity? Turn on the tube, flip around the channels, let your mind and your jaw go slack? Not any more. Now, we've got a digital recorder, and we record a couple o' shows a week. Before you know it, you're at 5% remaining capacity, and you've got to do something, and quick. "Have I seen this one? More importantly, has my wife seen this one?" God help you for the anguish and strife that befalls any mortal who deletes the unseen show of another.
Now, every chance at downtime has the distinct feeling of housekeeping. Damned modern conveniences...
October 11th 7:49AM
Feeling good
After Sunday evening, when I cut a little too loose on the Scotch and barely maintained consciousness through an otherwise great visit from my Dad and Denise, I plowed into Monday morning with a mercifully gentle hangover. A work issue - that should have been a breeze, but which took every available opportunity to fly apart at the joints - greeted me at the door like a knee to the groin, but with foggy tenacity, order was restored.
Anyway, the point is that after yesterday, I'm feeling much better. I have a "look out world" feeling I haven't had in a while. I love that sensation, and hope it lingers. Kick ass, baby.
Joe C. lives
Joe Crawford's flatlining blog is back, pumping digital blood and showing signs of life. That is an even more apt description of it, given the content of his return post, after nearly a month without a new entry.
October 9th 3:55PM
Silence - the silent killer
She comes to me, after an entire day of unspoken, tight-lipped stress. I ask again, sincerely, what is the trouble. She braces herself, and I can tell she's finally ready to unload her burden.
Life has been tough on us both lately, and I ready myself for the worst. She opens her mouth to speak. Time halts to a bare creep. Tears well in her eyes, and I can hear her unuttered words in my head. "I want a divorce."
I can feel my reaction forming in my head. I can't blame her. Living with me has been no picnic, and we've weathered change after grudging change. She's strong, but she is human, like anyone else.
I'm imagining moving belongings, sorting them. Finding an apartment. Calling a lawyer for an amicable split.
Time slips back into its natural gear, and her moist eyes look up and away. A tear spills over - her lips part tentatively, and she finally releases what she's been dragging around with her for who-knows-how-long.
"I ... I don't like the way you do the checkbook."
Something inside me liquefies with relief, and my short-term fears withdraw into the background like morning shadows. Shit, I don't like how I manage the finances either. Let's fix it.
Another day in paradise. How was your Sunday?
October 9th 7:55AM
News of the day:
Here's a story about a company ("Monrovia") modifying Toyota Priuses to be even more fuel-efficient, at a cost of about $12,000 after the purchase of the car. Toyota notes that this "improvement" voids the warranty, but is watching the mods with interest. Wouldn't it be nice if the process was embraced (bought) by a large car company? The company makes out, the entrepreneur makes out, consumers win, fuel efficiency goes up? Capitalist karma.
October 7th 12:49PM
This one speaks to me
I've
been trying to draw lately. It makes me happy, usually. Here's something
I drew at work, during support calls.
October 7th 7:49AM
The man with no butt
It's genetic - I have no ass. A "back with a crack." As heavy as I've ever been, I've always had a proportionally miniscule can. It's ridiculous. I lifted some free weights last night, because I have this idea that although I know my wife loves me just as I am, she would probably appreciate the occasional handful of a posterior that doesn't have the consistency of a sack of calf brains. Buns of Steel? Not likely, but Buns of Flab? It doesn't have to be this way.
Weight check
I weighed in this morning at 204 even, up from 202.5 of two weeks ago. My recent lack of exercise and less-than rigid nutritional discipline make this no surprise at all. I can do better.
October 6th 6:40PM
Busy today
Compared to last week, today was a breeze. But it's still been hectic. I spent a good portion of time helping others, and separately, I was helped myself. I have a lot to learn, and a lot of growing to do.
I find that my mental footing comes and goes, like some planetary alignment. I think and hope that my scattered state is at its apogee, and that things will come into alignment once again.
A few people have asked me in the past week: "What's your plan?" Uh... "I do things people want, and they give me money...?" If I could think of a passable lie, I might employ it. On second thought, I know a few people who regularly rely on that easy way out - maybe my inability in that area is a blessing. I'd rather be thought ignorant than a liar. But I'd rather not be thought ignorant at all, since we're polling my druthers.
October 3rd 12:49PM
Mom's out
Well, my mother-in-law found herself a new place to roost, thankfully in the same city as us. We helped move in a large portion of her worldly belongings on Saturday, got her all set up. It's a nice little place I guess.
Sanctuary - regained!
The upside is, we've got a good-sized room back in the resource column. The vacuum of Mom's absence quickly pulled in two desks and some miscellaneous computer stuff, whose own absence gave my daughter's tiny room a little more space.
We had a choice to make regarding the room, either to give it to my daughter, or to use it for other concerns. I felt a little guilty for not automatically bequeathing it to my little sweetie. I mitigate these feelings by remembering that we've sacrificed already by taking her in, and a little more now that Mom's gone. Plus, she's got her own space already, and this place has been leaking at the seams for useable space. This is just the kind of release valve we needed, however imperfect the circumstances. We'd be foolish not to take advantage of it.
Now I can hang the whiteboard and posters I've been storing.