January 30th, 9:19AM
Gerald Womack
We took most of yesterday to attend a funeral service and reception in Tracy for Gerald Womack. I haven't known him long, but he was pretty cool. He was 90 years old or so, and at first sight, I had him figured as a clunky old geezer. Man, was I wrong.
The first time I spoke to him, he had a light of alertness and youth in his eyes that most people my age don't have. Plus, he was funny, in a way that I was quick to recognize. Sometimes he would just stop and smile at something, something that was not readily apparent, but funny nonetheless. You could tell there was something beneath the surface that amused him, culminating in a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
The accuracy of my perception was borne out yesterday while I listened to people tell stories about him. One in particular was about how Gerald, who worked with and owned tractors and other equipment, had left some of this equipment to his son in his will, unbeknownst to said son. The son later bought this machinery from Gerald, not knowing this it would have been his in time anyway. All through the transaction with his son, Gerald just smiled his mirth, made the sale, and didn't say a word. I don't know if I'm retelling the story correctly, but that's just funny.
January 26th, 12:24PM
My wife loves me so much, she bought me a ring
Heh. Ask her about it.
January 24th, 1:26PM
My daughter has groovy teeth
My number one offspring and I went to get regular dental work yesterday. They determined that her teeth had natural grooves in them that invited bacteria to chill out, stay a while and see what's on TV. So I had them fill her dental ruts with a chemical goo that is slightly longer-lasting than asphalt, hopefully providing a preventive measure that will give bacteria a slick goodbye.
January 22nd, 9:16AM
That which does not kill me, makes me limp
I embarked on another, infrequent, longer-distance jogging foray yesterday. The Google map linked here roughly charts my route, but I fudged the actual start and finish to get the routing right. Rather than 1.9 miles each way, it's more like 2.2, making for a round trip of almost four and a half miles.
I jogged most of the way and walked some of it. By the end, and still this morning, my left ankle feels like I hit it with a hammer. I've been hobbling about since last night, pondering all these health benefits. If I can do this three times a week, I might actually have something, other than an apparent disability. I'd like to build up stamina and strength such that I can actually go hiking and camping this year without feeling like such a fat geezer.
Every year, I get the bug to go, and every year, I never do it. I let things stop me. Just like Halloween. Just like a few other things. These start to stack up, and you can see why my single New Year's resolution is simply: Do. Do these things that have nested in my brain, rather than passively reading and thinking about them.
Beer beer beer
Hoo, I've been enjoying the fruit of the malt lately. It's fattening, and also leads to the total annihilation of my already-pathetic discipline regarding snack foods. I'm afraid to look, but I know I'm teetering gelatinously at the 210-pound mark, and it troubles me. Months ago, I felt my self-control and sense of moderation wobbling disconcertingly, and made a silent pact that once I tripped the 200-pound mark, then, then I would do something significant, not to say drastic, to control the problem. Here I am with my convex gut and a broken pact. Now that I'm out of beer, maybe it's a good time to actively not restock. Oh, but how I love it.
January 19th, 8:23AM
This space is your space, this space is MySpace
MySpace has become an inescapable phenomena at my home, with everyone but the two-year-old registered at the popular social site. I've said before and I'll say again that if MySpace or other do-it-yourselfer sites make it easier for those among us to express themselves, then good for them. Many people have useful things to say, but technical ability is not necessarily among their skillset, and this should not deprive the rest of us of the geniuses in our midst.
On the other hand
MySpace is also a sounding board and refuge for the most mindless, babbling idiocy this side of the most clawing, desperate hole of a criminally neglected insane asylum, and 75% of everything I see there causes me to despair of the human race in general, and my own genetic resemblance to it. Every time a suburban white kid with the word "thug" in his handle snarls his inauthentic and insincere rage at the machine, I want to bust out my gat, yo. Every time someone posts a "blog entry" that is not of their own intellectual creation, but is simply another Copy N Paste of the deadheaded "Ha ha, you opened it, now you have to send this to sixty-three people, or 1) you'll never be loved 2) you'll get colorectal cancer 3) you suck 4) I'll just keep posting this dogshit for the rest of my ignorant, vacant life," these cognitive bedsores that I used to only get in e-mail, it makes me seriously rethink this whole "everyone should have a voice" thing. Even some people I really like, and with whom I regularly socialize, propagate this utter waste of time and thought, and I have real trouble reconciling such abject stupidity with the fact that these people are otherwise worthwhile organisms gifted with the spark of life. I really have trouble with that.
So yeah, I dunno. MySpace is a push, but the promise is there.
January 13th, 10:33AM
Weight a minute
Yesterday I weighed in at 207.5, continuing a slow but sure climb in my poundage. Not acceptable.
I made another in a series of stabs at exercise, not only lifting heavier weights (previous lifting hasn't made me very sore, so I figured I'm not lifting enough), but also a longer run. I braved the beautiful-from-inside weather, and jogged along my normal route, but went much farther this time. Instead of my normal 2 mile circuit, I went nearly all the way to HIghway 26 for what must have been at least 3.5 miles. I hope to drive the course today, and see just how far it really is.
No really, I'm fuckin' broke
Also not acceptable, the money is running out, and we are facing unpaid bills immediately if something doesn't change, quickly and markedly. Even what can be considered reserve financial supplies are nearly exhausted. It didn't help that a Virtual Tour client bailed on me for today's appointment, my first and only VT gig in January. Even with that appointment met, the situation wouldn't be much better. It weighs upon my wife's mind increasingly and unforgivably. Not meeting our obligations is as foreign to me as is murder or dancing with any deftness, and runs in direct conflict to my core programming as a person.
Back to the Grind?
Something must be done, and I am beginning to fill out job applications. The idea of returning to "normal" employment is becoming a pretty comfortable and comforting idea, more so than before. See below for more details.
Should it end soon, this 15-month or so economic experiment called self-employment will have taught me the following:
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Not having a job is not a death sentence. A job is just a job, and being unemployed is not the end of the world, especially when it's a temporary condition. We managed for quite a long time on one income (more or less), and the shrieking terror I have inflicted upon myself at the thought of losing a job has been an unhealthy motivating factor all of my life. It fueled the stress I felt at almost every job I've ever had, tying the smallest trouble at work directly to survival instinct and self-worth. What a bad way to go.
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Having a job is not a death sentence, either. I realize that while having a regular gig doesn't leave oodles of time for secondary pursuits, personal or financial, it does leave enough. This is important, because it is these secondary pursuits that largely make us who we are. I have the opportunity to pursue any or many of my interests, concurrent with a full time job. I rarely allowed myself to see that in the past, assigning the heading of "Have To" to too many items of secondary importance, stressing myself out to an unacceptable degree. Getting my priorities right has not always been easy, but it is the key to being both busy and happy.
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My wife is awesome, patient and generous. I already knew all that, but I have a deeper understanding and greater appreciation of those facts.
January 12th, 6:23PM
100 Gigs roomier
I conducted a sweet deal from a buddy of mine - a 100 Gig SATA hard drive for $25. I had a little trouble getting it to squeak into my Dell Dimension 8300 system, including the ill-advised chase for what turned out to be unnecessary drivers, and also the need for a power converter. My motherboard had the right connector for the SATA data cable, but I had to buy a power adapter to juice the thing. Silly.
January 8th, 7:23AM
Snowbound
Yesterday, my family and I went to White Pines, just above Arnold, and found just enough snow to play in, throw at each other, and build one of the saddest, most stunted snowmen in foothill history. We had a great time, we tempted fate by literally walking on thin ice, and my son had his first snow experience. Pix and video to follow, eventually.
My daughter twisted my arm and I allowed her, under strict rules of engagement, to have a MySpace account. She is growing up fast, and I have my concerns about her development. I guess that makes me a normal parent, eh?
January 3rd, 7:54AM
Johnny Depp may play Freddie Mercury in biopic
According to dozens of news sources, Johnny Depp may be chosen to portray Freddie Mercury in a biopic film about the flamboyant superstar, being allegedly considered by Robert DeNiro's Tribeca films.
Johnny Depp? Yes, I suppose that could work. I'm not a big fan, but I've liked him in many of the things I've seen him do. I think he could do the part justice.
I'm just glad the story may be told. Freddie Mercury's life and life story were grand and thrilling, full of triumph, tragedy, pathos and passion. I came to appreciate Queen relatively late, and still the too-early death of Freddie is steeped with a tragic sense of loss.
January 2nd, 7:15AM
New Year's Resolution
Do.
I live inside my head a lot. I read. I consider. I mull. I do not do, or at least not as much as I could or should. "Shoulda woulda" thinking aside, I have a loosely constructed theory that the universe/God sends me these inspirations, ideas and desires to create. Allowing them to languish inside my head, never giving them form, probably pisses off my muse to no end.
Almost started the new year off with a bang
We attended a delightfully informal party on New Year's Eve, and the duration of our sleep the next morning was brief.
Therefore, I started the new year with the delirious euphoria that only the drooling combination of sleep deprivation and caffeine overdose can reliably provide. I loved it.
Pulling away from a stoplight whilst talking dirty to my wife, I failed to acknowledge the new lanes of Manteca's recently upgraded E. Yosemite Avenue / Highway 99 / Downtown Interchange and Clusterfuck. I made a wide, sloppy left turn and nearly merged my Honda with some poor schmoe's car to my right, thereby nearly merging his car with the concrete embankment to his right. Luckily, my wife shrieked in my ear like a banshee with its tit in a vise, and disaster was narrowly averted.
After receiving an immediate and well-deserved dirty look, I pulled up even with my almost-victim at the next light, anticipating the reunion with a timid gloom. It turns out the guy was a good sport, acknowledging my silent, sincere and exaggerated mouthing of "I'm sorry" along with a gesture of two upturned hands, signaling: "No, I don't know just what the fuck I was thinking" with a good-natured, forgiving grin.
I spent the next 20 minutes shaking off the bone-jangling, "Wow, that was a close one" feeling, and the next 90 minutes suffering my wife's direction of every single turn, start and stop, as if I had suddenly been struck blind, retarded and unable to process the mental bitstream that safe driving requires. Given the circumstances, I can easily forgive her for being under that impression.
Happy New Year!! May this year be nothing but exciting, humbling and harmless close calls.