January 30th, 1:08PM
My résumé's cover letter
I have been working more intelligently and productively lately, and I feel pretty good about it. I have been successful at developing a superior method of presenting website design proposals to my clients that the clueless-boner-slash-supervisor from my previous employer can only dream of. It's not the most advanced bit of technology ever devised, but it is leaps better than what I had been using, and better than what was being done in this capacity during my employment there.
It is also better than I could ever have done there. Were my former supervisor to view it, he would no doubt hiss through his forked tongue in jealousy, and pettily wonder aloud why I didn't produce a better mousetrap for them. The truth is I could not have done it there; I had the stirring embers of good ideas while I was there, but they were crushed and scattered before they could reach an ignition point. I could only do better when released from the bumbling, close-minded thumb of blind bureaucracy.
Now that I'm off the leash, and have had time to decompress from that environment, some things are starting to flow. In all humility, I can say that several people have remarked at how I'm free to do all I will, and also that I have the talent to do so. I'm still not sure what talent they're talking about, but I can better imagine what they mean now than before.
With a little hindsight, I am becoming more and more confident that every single employer who has let me slip away, be it via firing, layoff, and simply allowing me to quit, has been a fool to do so. I have so much potential to do good things - creativity, energy, wit, loyalty, goodwill, and even, occasionally, a positive attitude - that if managed well I could be an irreplaceable asset to a team, whatever its goal.
It sounds proud to say that, but it's not pride. I really want to be part of a cohesive, productive, successful, goal-oriented team. I am an engine that runs on a lean fuel of compensation, honesty, communication and a clear mission. I think that's all it really takes to unlock the value inside me. But you'll never see this on a résumé. Too honest. Too simple. Too demanding on the face of it.
Hogan's Hero
I went for a brief hike in the area yesterday, along the backside of Hogan Reservoir. The water level is meters lower than the last, late-summer visit I made there, but I found some cool stuff, including a small waterfall and pool that I'm betting most people don't see. I also found unusual tracks and piles of dung that made me wonder just what in the hell wanders through the place when no one else is around. From my description, my wife thinks it's cow shit (the feces I found, not the fact that I went alone). The tracks I found look like really big dog tracks, but I couldn't tell ya. What am I, a Navajo wilderness guide? Gimme a break.
Anyway, I had invited my daughter to go with me, but after a very tame 20-minute jaunt through a circuitous trail in the area, she wanted a private place to squat, and an immediate trip home. I obliged her with both, and we were both the happier for it. Sometimes I think her idea of a nature hike is cable TV tuned to the Discovery channel. And it bums me out.
January 26th, 11:05AM
Regular checkup
SFO to Paris: $480.
Yesterday, the bathroom scale said 196.5.
January 26th, 10:54AM
Sure is nice here in the hills, part 2
As if to put a finer point on yesterday's quality-of-life assertion, picture this: I drove my daughter to her bus stop yesterday morning just after my last post, and we whiled away the moments, staying warm in the car until the bus appeared. As the sun warmed the dusky-blue morning sky against the contrasted and hilly horizon, we had a "looklooklook!" moment, where three deer bounded across somebody's back lot and off into the unseen. That was so cool. You don't get a lot of that in Manteca.
January 25th, 6:30AM
Back on the horse
After an extended vacation, my wife is back out in the trenches, literally. Although gloomy weather is expected starting today and through the weekend, she is climbing aboard several tons of steel and diesel to scratch out a living and just enough room for cement pipe today, somewhere in the Bay Area. We need the scratch.
In the news
I see in the Manteca Bulletin (which I haven't read in months now, even online) that Manteca is enjoying increased junior high fighting and gang-related deaths.
Sure is nice here in the hills. My daughter has yet to report significant social problems at school. Her concerns are with her schoolwork, and that's about it. Much better than Manteca kids have it now, and better than I had it back then.
I still shudder to recall my days at school. I should have run away from home, rather than put up with the systematic abuse. God, how I hated it. But when you're a kid, you take what you're given, with the implied understanding that things run the way they're supposed to. Your loving parents wouldn't send you into a meat grinder day after day if it wasn't what was best for you, right? One just doesn't question things.
One should know better than that.
January 23rd, 4:29PM
Bent needle
I woke up yesterday with no sense of purpose, and no drive. All my focus, scattered to the winds. Kind of like a depression, but not without the weighty sadness; I just couldn't get motivated about anything, which is unusual for me - usually my problem is picking only one interest at a time. It's a lot like the washed-out feeling I got after a night of too much hooch, but without the physical aspects.
I walked around in circles for an hour or so, scanning the house for targets, like Arnold Schwarzenneger's Terminator. Except that every object in my sights went dim: no lock.
I finally went outside and lifted some weights. I've been doing it for a couple of weeks now, so I am scheduled to lose all interest in disciline in that anytime now, too. But for today, I did my simple routine. I was glad to have done it, but also glad to have it behind me.
Meh.
Have you seen my cock?
The fauna about the homestead aren't faring too well. Over the last few nights, we see the rank of chickens and ducks dwindling. Something, it appears, is skulking away with our livestock on a regular basis.
One the one hand, the John Wayne in me wants to get out my rifle and post up watch for the night, and blast any varmints to Hell fer a-fiddlin'with muh vittle critters (not that I ever have the good sense to actually make food out of them). Except that John Wayne would have a much better rifle than my .22, but I can hardly help that.
On the other hand, I remember that I never expressed a desire to own these animals, and I don't really enjoy having them. Especially the rooster, who crows annoyingly before I am ready to wake (why, oh why, didn't whatever hungry beastie responsible drag his ornery ass away first?), and especially now, since our latest backyard upheaval freed the chickens to walk the property and squawk under Brian's window during naptime and shit along every single footpath in the place, also making their eggs (if any) irretrievable. I am that much less eager to right these barnyard injustices in light of these musings.
The ducks, I have no real problem with, except that they're quite frightened of me, which is annoying, and the males pecked and pestered the one baby duck we managed to raise, nearly to death. Naturally, the harmless female was the first duck to be nabbed.
January 21st 7:57AM
Cursed
I have a big, nasty, swollen, persistent zit on my face, next to my nose. It's painful, annoying and feels a foot wide. It's like some temporary curse. I've carried it through meetings and presentations this week. What else is the afflicted to do, but muddle through?
I got an update yesterday on just how financially indebted we are. It was enough to ruin my whole afternoon. I'm surprised I got out of bed today at all. Boo hoo. It does motivate me to work more purposefully on client projects, though. You know, after I'm done blogging.
I tried to pick up my guitar yesterday and get a little practice in. It was difficult, and it felt (and sounded) like I was playing it with my feet. Sometimes, I guess, you just have to keep trying.
I haven't touched my French in over a week. You think my blog is neglected? Pssh. It's so much worse.
BNI WTF
One thing that is so troubling that it's kinda funny is the records kept on my BNI chapter. I got an update from the HQ with their member list, and it is barely recognizable compared to the actual members who show up and do business every week. I am doing my part to bolster the quality of data kept. It's way outta control, but not so bad as to defy salvaging. A lot like my life of late. F'ed up, but still worthy of hope.
You ever look at something complicated, and marvel at its complexity, but at the same time feel an assuring confidence that someone, somewhere know what's going on? That some entity is assigned with tracking all of the systems and their details, apparent and hidden, and that it's all under control? That it simply must be, or the thing wouldn't continue to operate? Yeah. I've done that, too.
My advice? Save early, save often. Make backups, and store them offsite. Trust in God, but lock your car. CYA.
January 20th 1:57AM
Levi Huffman
Yesterday was a big day. One of the reasons was that I met with a fascinating individual named Levi Huffman. He's a musician who has done many interesting, enviable things, including:
- Plays several musical instruments
- Quit med school and cut out to France for several years, where he gutted it out doing music and acting gigs, and became fluent in the language
- Knows Michael Chiklis of
The Shield
fame
Tough shed
My wife and I collaborated to put a lid on what may be the ugliest shed in Calaveras county. It's not finished, but we'll have it done soon. As it is, it's composed mostly of aluminum garage doors, and should protect hay and small animals from the weather.
January 18th 7:47AM
Organizational concerns
Along with all my other concerns, I am struggling with the herding of the cats that I run with, in two different areas: My BNI chapter, and the Valley Springs PC Users Group. Both groups have some quality people doing their part to contribute more than the bare minimum, and also folks who attend without getting too excited about being a larger part of the whole. One need they have in common is attendance. BNI Tokay sees people missing more and more meetings but could use a few new members, while the User's Group is very similar. This is where a natural leader would instinctively rise to the occasion, take the assets of the groups and use them to make some magic.
I am feeling pretty low on magic lately, but the desire is there. I would like to stoke the fires and energize attendees, and add value to the meetings for both groups, in a way that is maintainable (i.e., not biting off more than I can personally chew.).
Hm. A need. An opportunity for personal growth, to improve a situation
for myself and others. A situation where some kind of ass needs to be
kicked, requiring creativity and the ability to motivate others. My friend
Paula Phipps (and likely, Joe Silva) would tell me that the universe/God/the
Fates/the voices in my head are trying to tell me something. I'm listening
as well as I can. Some intelligent consideration is in order. As Forrest
Gump's mother said with sad eyes and a shaking head, before she took the
high hard one from the local school administrator: There must be something
can be done.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that: someone absorbing
the rampant lust of a local bureaucrat. But hey, one must decide just
how bad he wants change, yes?
January 14th 7:44AM
Searching for change
I was a bit embarrassed to note that the title tag of my home page states that this is my "personal" website. It's more than that by now. I have since updated the tag. It will be interesting to see how long it takes for the change to be updated in Google.
January 14th 6:42AM
Hybrid buzz
Cnet's News.com.com reports that Toyota is raising its stake in hybrid technology, Honda is as yet non-committal, and Nissan isn't feeling the love at all. Happily, Honda says it will "aim to begin leasing a roomier, cheaper and more practical fuel-cell vehicle within the next three to four years." There is also a paragraph on driver disillusionment over hybrids and their delivery on the promise of mileage. The way they're splicing hybrid technology into lumbering SUV beasts like the Chevy Tahoe, it's not surprising to me. For the record, I have no complaints.
January 12th 1:58PM
Cave Dweller
How lucky am I, that after a week of zero blog activity, someone will write me ensure that I'm not flatlining as badly as my blog is? Very lucky, I tell you.
The thing is, I've been busy living life, and haven't taken the time to write about it. I've been knocking on doors and walking floors, trying to get somebody to buy what I'm selling. I credit The Mighty Joe Silva for constantly reminding me to slay dragons, go out and meet the world, be open to new experiences, and to the fires of Hell with my comfort zone. I learn slowly, and I'm sure I frustrate him to no end.
Out on the prowl today (which I still don't enjoy, but it sucks less and less as I go along), I spoke to a couple of people who didn't throw me out immediately, and a couple of people who might as well have. So, there's hope.
Where I come from, sales is unfortunately a dirty word. Its negative connotation involves greasy, reptilian, pencil-moustached liars who would telemarket their own saintly, blue-haired granny if it made 'em a buck. They're pot-bellied, superficial jerks with bad suits who say what it takes, and go along to get along. They make nothing, they process nothing. They talk talk talk, and hand you a pen after they've lied to you enough to seal the deal that somewhere certainly must contain fine print committing your children's organs for meat somewhere down the line.
And sometimes that stereotype is valid.
Other times, it couldn't be more unfair. Salespeople, good salespeople, have the guts to approach people who don't necessarily want to be approached. They have the knowledge to fit one group's needs to another group's skills or products. They have or can credibly fake enough interest to drive the whole transaction. The really good ones have it in their blood - to network, to sell, to think, to feel and generate a genuine interest in everyone they meet. They are the antithesis of misanthropy. And believe me, that's not an easy thing to be.
Good night, Joe Silva, wherever you are.
Oh, and happy birthday, too. What are you now, like 50, 55? Heh.
January 4th 6:43AM
This'll be handy information someday
Expedia tells me today that they can ship my carcass to Paris and back for the low (but not as low as before) price of $510.
January 4th 6:17AM
Home for the holidays
My brother returned from a sunny and warm >cough< trip to Wisconsin yesterday. People aren't meant to live under those conditions. And by conditions, I mean the weather. We've got family there, but mother of God, we've got family there in the summer, too! Are you crazy? Things freeze up, turn black and fall off in places like that, only to be used for hockey pucks by unsuspecting street children! Not me, friend, no thanks. I'm staying here, where I may blow away, drown in a flood or be swallowed up in an earthquake, but I won't be discovered in a snowdrift in the spring thaw, sans my frozen, black appendage.
My daughter returns home from Utah tomorrow. People aren't meant to live under those conditions, either. And by conditions, I mean matrimony to soulless white trash.
How much?
I weighed in at 197 even today. The only discipline I've applied is laying of the beer for the past week or so. For the most part. Somewhat. What? My fingers are not crossed! I've been good!
January 3rd 11:35AM
Trouble a-brewin' up the hill
My Dad sent me a link to a news story in The Record, about my new hometown. Apparently, lines are being drawn in the sand, and locals are dukin' it out on the web! While it's cool that discourse is being generated, and on that new-fangled Innernet do-hickey to boot, it's apparently getting a bit nasty, at least to hear some tell it.
I even am a small part of the fun - I was invited to tout the Valley Springs PC Users Group and its meetings on OurValleySprings.com, so I did. I'm all about community. Well according to the news article, this website is on one side of a two-sided web debate about growth. I don't know about all that, I just want to promote the Users Group - for now.
"Hiya, I'm Tom Bickle, and I make websites..."
I did go out and shake some hands in the area today. There's a whole new shopping center near the center of town, and I traded business cards with several shopkeepers in the area. I am so glad to see new businesses popping up. Lodi is great and all, but I don't like having to go there every time I need what used to be the simplest product or service. I'm glad more of them are becoming available close to home. Some new Valley Springs businesses include:
- Gizmos Car Audio
- Mail Depot, Etc.
- Monster Electronics and Computers
- Elite Nails and Spa
- DJ's Hair
- The Ice Cream Depot
Good stuff. Notice that none of them have websites to link to. I'm working on that...
January 1st 2:47PM
Happy New Year
Hoo, you shoulda seen the party. My wife had a great time that she'll never remember, alcohol being the Neuralizer from which there can be no escape. There was hot girl-on-girl action, typical drunk "I love you, man"-type displays, the prerequisite vomiting, and loud, aggressive talk about masturbation at 2:30a.m. Truly a night to behold.
I myself stayed coherent and essentially chaperoned, avoiding most of the nights most daring temptations, because what's acceptable to all The Night Before would most certainly require somber and considered explanation The Morning After. In other words, I'm too much of a creaking old buzzard to have a good time worthy of legend and lore. I may yet improve; who knows? I'm still learning.
As for this morning, I put more money in the Love Bank by getting up early and keeping a promise to the childminder to be safely home by 8a.m. I nursed my wife back to health after her overload of fun, and checked on my brother's place while he's outta town. I deserve some kind of reward, and after my wife's head stops pounding, I just may get it.