February 26th 6:40AM
Movin' along
My mental state at work and at home has improved - I feel like I can set the rifle down. For now.
I find that I'm happier if I focus on the things I can do - creatively, physically, intellectually - rather than think in terms of 'gee whiz, I have this problem, how can I solve it?' I tend to get bogged down in the problem portion of that idea, and it poisons my attitude. This isn't coming across clearly, but I'm leaving a message in a bottle for myself, for the next time I feel I'm going out of my mind. Hopefully it'll make sense then.
Comedy - not now
In late December and January, I tried stand-up comedy. I did well for a newbie I think, but I feel that now is not the right time to pursue an endeavor like this. I can't give it my full attention, so it's better left until later when I can devote time and effort to making quality stuff, doing promotion, and getting serious overall. There are those out there doing it now who are serious and devoted to perfecting their craft. I don't want to be a half-ass kinda guy, at least not in this arena.
Thanks to Dave Glardon and Spirit Walker and everyone else who offered me help and advice. It wasn't wasted, but I need to hang up my mike until life shifts in that direction.
February 22nd 7:00PM
Like a villain
Almost done with my cold. I must be feeling better - I'm alert enough to be stressed out again. Work has been a total nut-buster lately. Where does all this work come from?
My brother
My brother finally decided to buckle under and let me show him some web design trickery, with the hopes it might help him support himself. Once I finally got him to submit, I had a fucking bastard of a time finding and installing the software. I look forward to showing him the ropes. Who knows, he might like it or be good at it. Good God, what if it's both?!
In other news, I watched my brother catch a chicken in his driveway this morning. Just thought I'd mention it.
February 21st 7:49AM
Illin'
I'm pretty sure I picked up a bug shaking a dozen hands at my BNI meeting last Thursday, a concern I've had since joining, but have happily and luckily avoided until last week. I've had a cold since then that has been mercifully mild in its symptoms. I feel like I'm shaking it today, but may have passed it to my wife. I hope not - she's taken pretty good care of me all weekend, and she doesn't deserve a cold.
February 18th 12:49PM
My baby does me good
Psychologically speaking, I've been burning oil lately. Just burned out, worn down and f'ed up overall. Last night I just couldn't tolerate life as we know it, and was ready to toss myself off of the roof. My wife, probably foreseeing that she'd have to clean up the mess, soothed my troubled mind, and helped me ease back into a more stable state of being. She was there when I needed her, and it's a good thing not only for me, but the population of Manteca as well. Thanks, baby.
February 15th 12:49PM
I got some duds, good for the self-image - not.
I went and got some new clothes, and from shopping for pants, I can tell you - my size and proportions qualify me to be barely categorized as a human being. I carry all (okay most) of my weight in my gut, and so appear to smuggle a regulation-size basketball everywhere I go. According to what's readily available at not one but two big box stores, the shopping world just does not attain my girth while maintaining my height, or lack thereof. My shape does not exist in nature. Pants that fit me are so scarce that I almost need my own tailor. I am an egg that wobbles about on two footstools. I resemble a paraplegic hippopotamus. I am one fat little fuck. Egads, this has got to change.
Breather
My wife has had it easier, with the rain of late. She's had a few days off work, and it appears she'll have a few more. She deserves a break. Don't we all?
Get what you pay for
My "How to Draw Animals" book kinda sucks, but for seven bucks, I am not too broken up about it. It's not a total loss, but it's also not that great.
February 14th 12:49PM
I need some duds
I'm in dire need of some new threads. The ones I've got have just about had it. I wander around looking like a hobo on payday; gots ta get me some updated work clothes.
February 12th 3:09PM
The joys of being a single parent
That's how it's felt for the last two weeks, with Michelle barely having time to wash herself. I was about to lose perspective this morning - it's a good thing Michelle's mom is here to give me a break.
I am genetically disposed to paralysis in the presence of discount books
My wife laid a $10 Barnes & Noble certificate on me, so off I went. I expected to browse for a while and then leave empty-handed, but I ran across several marked-down books that were right up my alley. I scored:
- "Drawing Animals"
- "The Book of Etiquette"
- "The Complete Book of Massage"
- "Anger - How to Live With and Without It"
- "Anatomy for the Artist"
I am pages into the Anger book, and have high hopes for it.
Beggars can be choosers - who knew?
Speaking of books - I lent a book apiece to two folks I work with months if not over a year ago, and haven't seen them since. I like to re-read books now & then, and it irritates me that they're gone. I may ask about them and finagle them back, but I'm not very subtle, and my delicate inquiry will probably manifest itself as: "Where's my book, moocher?! Borrow does not equal gift, deadbeat!!" Then, I'm the jerk. This is why I don't like lending things out.
Note to Denise: You're an excellent borrower, and your credit is good with me. I'm not talking about you here, my self-conscious friend.
Lamar is weird, that's why I like him
I stopped at a cafe on the way home, to use some free wireless Internet and fondle my new reading materials. To my disappointment, the Wireless 'Net was down (they don't have a robust network there, but it is free), but my books still worked. They can't screw that up unless the sun falls out of the sky.
A small old man was wandering around outside, and struck up a little conversation. His name is Lamar, and he hangs out at mosques, synagogues and churches, as well as cafes. He was a plucky old fucker, and bold enough to happen upon a heavy-set young man carrying a book about anger management, and impose upon his privacy to ask him about it. I liked him, but I was more interested in my books than casual conversation, so we didn't engage too much. Maybe I'll chat him up next time I see him there.
Personal/Historical footnote:
I used to know a very different Lamar - Lamar Biddle, another bespectacled older fellow, but this one was my coworker at a car lot in Tremonton Utah. Lamar B. was reputed to come from a family of inbreds, but that is just speculation. Besides, we're talking about Utahns here - it's even money on just about half of those googley-eyed white trash invertebrates' heritage anyway, if you ask me. To be fair, it was a week ago tonight that I told my Uncle in fun that I'd bone him if I was queer, so I am operating under a finite amount of credibility here. I digress. Way too much. End of footnote.
February 10th 7:49AM
I like him, but I don't like him like him
Me, my Uncle and my dad all went out to dinner last Saturday night with our respective womenfolk. I hadn't seen my Uncle in quite a while, and the night quickly turned to what seems to be an old family pastime - talking shit. Things get pretty manic, but nobody usually gets their feelings hurt, which can be a fine line to walk. Those of you with no sense of humor should turn away at this point.
One of the highlights of the evening for me was during some frenzied verbal pugilism. I scored a knockdown when I told my Uncle he was a cute little guy, and that if I was gay, I'd screw him. He was stunned, and didn't manage a syllable for several seconds, staring at me almost without comprehension. When he did get back in the game, he was notably disoriented.
I may be the weirdest person in my immediate family. It is not without some effort.
February 8th 12:49PM
Zip, zoom, wha...?
Not much going on, but it doesn't feel that way. I'm nearing completion on a self-started video project for work; that's been fun to create.
The past week has been pretty crazy. Just taking care of the house and the baby has been like sprinting through mud. It takes a lot out of both of us, without much forward progress. Michelle's Mom has been invaluable.
Weather.com calls for rain next week, maybe Michelle will get a break. This work shit isn't as much fun as it used to be, I suspect, although she rarely complains.
I have done zero exercise, zero French, zero stand-up comedy writing in the past week or more. Nearly zero blogging lately. I just don't have it in me right now. I feel all right, but I'm not getting much stuff done in a personal venue. On the other hand, the laundry's clean, the baby's happy, and the basics are covered. That'll do, for now.
Michelle brought up a wild idea about a change of pace last night. It's been worth thinking about. But do we want to live next to her sister?
February 4th 7:49AM
Uh...
I haven't posted links to odd news stories in a while, but these are just too ... uh ... well, you'll see:
Dakar
pickpockets rifle Chirac bodyguards
DAKAR, Feb 3 (AFP) - Security guards and reporters trailing French
President Jacques Chirac on his first visit to Senegal in a decade fell
prey to the army of pickpockets operating in the capital Dakar, members
of the press corps told AFP Thursday.
Transvestite
Pleads Guilty in Man's Death
ALBANY, Ga. (AP) -- A transvestite who pumped industrial silicone
into other men to give them feminine features pleaded guilty to manslaughter
in the death of a man who suffered complications.
February 2nd 7:49AM
Busy lately
My poor wife has returned to gainful employment again, which is good for our bank account, but not as comfy for our home life. She barely has time to bathe and do some brief baby maintenance before going to bed to start over. I try to help.
Valentine's Day, backup plan
I had this special thing in mind for Valentine's Day, but it's not working out. I need to get a plan 'B' going so my wife doesn't forget I love her.
Prices are going up
Expedia reports that a prices for a round trip flight from SF to CDG Paris are up sharply since my last mention, up to $474. Shoulda went when we could...