December 31th 7:40PM
Last night of 2003. Big f'in' deal
Don't get me wrong, I'm not cranky about it, but my honest feeling about the end of this year is "so what?" Nothing about it feels really momentous. Meh.
It's a start
Went for a run this afternoon, what used to be my my two mile "usual." Hopefully, it sticks. Although we picked up some sadly unhealthy Long John Silver's for dinner (bad), I quit when I was full, and resisted the temptation for the bedeviling ice ream/cake dessert in the freezer (good). Ah, that calls for a beer! (Bad) Hey, stop that!
This place is a dump
This whole damn website needs a makeover, and more consistent attention. It needs more style, more standards-compliant code, and a consistent look. I sat down to doodle some ideas for a new look, and still have the same blank page I started with. In case you haven't noticed, I have no sense of style. Meh.
December 29th 12:49AM
Too fat
Pants . . . too tight . . . ! Must . . . watch what I eat . . . resume exercise . . . ! Can't go on . . . !
December 26th 7:49AM
Had a good Christmas day.
Not much else to say there.
Off again
By the way, on December 2nd, I announced that my brother was planning on getting married. Well, that's off the table now, with little explanation or reason, other than (my paraphrasing): 'she's crazy.' So, forget I said anything.
Christmas is...?
Just between you and me, (you won't tell anyone, will you?) I'm not religious, in the sense that I don't take part in organized community observances. In other words, I don't go to church, and I don't ask a white-haired mortal with problems of his own what I should think.
So it happens that I'm about to have a baby (God willing), and I don't know just what I'm going to tell the ankle-biter when he or she asks me "Daddy, what's Christmas all about?" This is life-altering shit right here, pal. When you get right down to it, nobody mentioned Jesus at my house yesterday - we opened gifts, had a nice dinner, and tried to be good to each other.
Do I fill her head with oogey-boogey about mangers and mules and little drummer boys? That makes for a prettier bedtime story, but is it the right thing to tell my kid? Somebody whose little psyche I'll be half in charge of? I don't know, bubba. I wouldn't feel right uploading that kinda software when I'm not 100 percent behind it.
I know what some people think about Christmas, and I know what the legends and myths are, but do I give my bouncing baby the straight poop as I see it? No kid should be subjected to my twisted cynicism about the holiday and my doubts about religion in general - he'd be better off if I just punched him in the stomach and had been done with it. I'd end up raising a rampant skeptic.
Then again, it might just suit me fine to raise a child who doesn't take anybody's word for anything. Maybe I'll have "Show Me" tattooed across his back while I'm at it. You know, right after the circumcision. It's gotta be cheaper while they're small, since it uses less ink, right? Then they can grow into it for free! God, I'm a chiseling cheap jerk.
This all leads into religion and what stand I'll take on it. I have my own point of view fairly well figured out at this point, I know what's right for me. It's reconciling all that with the fat guy in the red suit and the long-haired Savior of man that promises a rough ride. The easy way out is to rattle off something about Santa, the reindeer, Jesus, God, and "by the way here's your SuperDuperMan toy, and don't question me on it or I'll take your presents away, you nosey little doubter." I bet that's what a lot of parents do; I hope I can do better than that. The holidays are hard enough without cracking this particular nut. The Christians sure have a great scam going; everybody's got something to lose if they buck this system. Parents would have to make their own traditions and think for themselves. Kids lose out on gifts and candy. It's a scary tradition to walk away from. It's just the kind of thing that gets Jehova's Witnesses beat up in elementary school. I guess we'll find out how it goes.
December 24th 8:10PM
Good food, good company
Had a real good experience tonight. Me and my wife and her mom got together, and had a non-traditional dinner together, with French wine, French cheeses, American cheeses (including the kinds that squirts out of a can, lest you think us snobs), salami, bread, fruit... A finger food dinner that allowed us to eat, drink and talk with all the time in the world, and no television. Good food, good company. Could it be better? Yeah, I don't see how. A relaxing break in a meat grinder of a short, holiday week. God knows I needed it. I may just make it yet...
December 24th 12:30PM
Quelle chance!
U.S.-Bound Flights Grounded From France
APLAX police officer inspects a passenger's luggage. Six trips from Paris to Los Angeles were halted because of security concerns; federal government also focused on vulnerability of cargo planes
All I can think is, "Lucky bastards. Another day in Paris."
December 23rd 7:26PM
Burnout
When you work in customer service, when you deal with everyday people every day, there comes a time when enough is enough. When every paying customer you come in contact is an insufferable, retarded, mental defective, that's bad. When even the competent customers try your patience simply by existing in your sphere, that's trouble too. When everyone you work with seems to be telepathically begging for a ghastly beating with deliberate subliminal provocation - there's a red flag, bubba.
Some of it is the fact that too many people somehow manage to get through their whole lives while being entirely too stupid, forcing others to pick up their slack. Some of it is that I need to let go, even if it means that a degree of quality is lost from the service I provide. I can feel myself inching closer and closer to the inevitable >pop<, where I do a customer a favor and hold a mirror up to their own stupidity, or freak out and confront the complete and thorough worthlessness of one or two orangutans in my immediate vicinity. Ah, that would be a loud and tragic moment; I'd sure like to avoid that one.
So, it seems I must take a grudging, defeated, shuffling step backward towards mediocrity. I used to want to be good at something, the quality of an excellent performance being an enticing goal. Fuck, it seems as though it's not meant to be. I guess I'll just have to suck for the time being, and hope that "the time being" doesn't stretch out to be the rest of my life. It's either that, or I'll reach a moment of weak discipline, and allow myself the release of berating one of the oxen I herd every day, or punching someone in the nose who really, really (no, really) needs it.
Life's about choices.
December 22nd 12:49PM
It's all ca-ca
Okay, so it's not all ca-ca, but things are rough today:
- I work in tech support, and our e-mail server has been eating shit. The phone is absolutely jumping off the desk with angry, animated ringing.
- I haven't done a damn bit of French study, and damn little guitar learning, in too, too long. I have got to make the time somewhere.
With that out of the way
It seems some around me are quick to believe that the U.S. military is a bunch of liars (which by itself is not an outrageous contention - part of the game is misinformation), and that the Kurds are totally trustworthy when they both claim they caught Saddam Hussein. Great. The main supposition seems to be that the Kurdish secret agents caught Hussein, stuffed him in a hole, then mentioned it to U.S. forces for the tip-in.
Yeah. Of course it follows logically that they'd drop a pistol into the hole with their prisoner . . . because . . . OK, you got me there, it doesn't make sense, does it? Plus, if not a single Kurd, wouldn't you think the government of Kurdistan itself would want to trot Hussein around for their own cameras (glory), then hand him over for the $25 mil? Hell, even I would have let people spit on him for a nickel-a-hocker.
One foreseeable retort is that the pistol part of the story is a lie. Well, okay, but if you're going to indiscriminately pick out things from the media reports that you want to believe, and things that you don't, there's not much point in reading the fucking paper, now is there? Now, if there was real proof of that, that's different, but until then, you're just another nut with a conspiracy theory. Stop giving Al Jazeera more credence than it deserves, you're embarrassing yourself.
Saw it, liked it
I saw LOTR III on Saturday. It was good, nearly great. For some reason,
I didn't feel as much "punch" from it as I had hoped. It may have been
partially because seats were so scarce we ended up in the front row, pinching
vertebrae to take in the show. I look forward to a more comfortable screening
of this entertaining film.
December 19th 7:49AM
Better to light a candle than to curse the lack of blogging
Or something like that.
It's been a busy week, at work and at home. I've had a good week, including depending on the help of one buddy to help fix another buddy's computer and getting my shit together to attend Delta College for a single night class this semester (it's a math class, I'm frightened). I am learning to hate San Joaquin Delta College. Their inattention to detail and poor administrative attitude is pervasive and frustrating. More on that some other time.
I'm hoping to see LOTR III this weekend sometime. My wife is less than enthusiastic - her tough luck, I'm goin'. I hear it's pretty great, but I'm going out of my way to avoid reading reviews of the film, because doing so before viewing number II gave me too much of a peek, and lessened the impact of some scenes ("Where are those tree-people Ebert said were so cool?"). So this time, I've heard very generic buzz that it's long and it's good. That's good enough for me, I'm gonna go see it "cold."
December 14th 12:01PM
Down with Saddam
Not much time to comment this afternoon, but let me say congratulations to the US & coalition forces, and to the people of Iraq, for the spectacular achievement in capturing Saddam the Cowardly. Shame on him for not putting a bullet into his own sick melon upon his capture, although I am glad for the advantages it affords us who remain free, including his lost chance of martyrdom, and the inevitable doubts of his identity his corpse would have invited. Finally, raspberries to John Kerry, the only politician I've seen this morning trying to suck some of the life out of this much-needed victory by cynically postulating that this could've happened sooner, cheaper and easier. Certainly the Bush administration can be criticized, but the better thing to do would have been to at least allow a day to go by before launching into such criticisms. To do other than tipping your hat to all involved is to sink a bit below some standard of civility, and hits a sour note with me.
Saddam is under wraps, and that is huge. There's not
much to be said today beyond that. Today is a day of celebration.
December 13th 10:09AM
Funny Papers
Today's "The Record" is reading like it a National Lampoon publication. Another rib tickler from the 911 Calls section of The Record:
Counterfeit money arrest, Lodi: Deputies arrested Phillip Meredith, 21, of Lodi Thursday on charges he and another person used counterfeit money to pay for services Monday at the Deja Vu topless bar at 4206 N. West lane, the sheriff's office reported. Meredith was booked on charges of burglary, conspiracy and fraudulent documents, the sheriff's office reported.
"I'm your Sugar-Daddy, baby, but I'm payin' in Sweet N Low!" Even true white trash read that, and go: "Wow, classy, Phil."
December 13th 8:40AM
Thank you
Thanks to all who extended congratulations (all three of you - I move in small circles. Quality, not quantity. :) ) regarding my happy news. I was delighted to hear from all of you.
Muy ignorante
On to other business. Browsing my local news this morning, I spied this image in the newspaper, attached to this news story. In case you're reading this at a later date and the link no longer works, I've gaffled and cropped my own copy of the image depicting a protester in the state's capitol who should've checked her signage a little more carefully before the photographer snapped some shots for a circulation of thousands in her neighborhood. Nice going, baby. Smile for the camera!!
Also, note the sign behind her: "The Original Wetback Arnold." First of all, if that's isn't racist, I don't know what is. If I was holding that sign, I would've been beaten and jailed before I could sing "La Cucaracha." Where's the outcry and denunciation for that jamoke? I guess people only get upset about racism against their own race. Weak. Second, just what the hell is that supposed to mean? It's ignorant, but still offensive.
Just one more
Oh, and if I see just one more picture of a gaping-mouthed flu shot recipient accompanying the story that flu shots are in short supply, I may have to punch my monitor.
And another
I see Arnold has pushed thru with a compromise victory on some budget initiatives. I thought these were dead and hopeless, but they seem to have been revived. Kudos to him, and to the Democrats who seem to be the reasonable ones this time around. Castigations to the Republicans who seem to have dragged their feet. All y'all, get it together, and start looking out for me and my state's interests, rather than your own. What a novel idea.
December 11th 12:49PM
December 10th 12:49PM
I still miss Paris
Looking through the website paris-views.com,
and Anthony Atkielski's Paris Journal, seeing all the buildings and statues
and sights I tried to take home with me in my digital camera, I remember
the wonder of the place. Maybe it's because I'd never been anywhere before
or since, but I've got it in my system. I wish I was back there right
now. We may never get to go again, but I hope we can someday.
December 9th 12:49PM
I thought I was clever
Well, I got my rat, but like every other thing in my life, it was not a simple or clean-cut affair. See, we went to the hardware store, and patiently considered two types of rat traps. One, the old tried and true snap-trap, was simple, cheap and more difficult to set without breaking a finger by accidentally catching your own hand during the baiting process. The other, a fancy plastic-covered "Woodstream/Victor ClipStrip" model no. 132, cost about four times as much and seemed much better - It looked like two plastic Pringles potato chips laid on top of one another, joined by a hinge and a spring in the middle. Here's a better picture, but in black - their website doesn't list the exact model I got suckered into buying.
You simply clamp together one end, and the other end gapes open like a hungry duck, complete with a little metal tongue to hold the bait. It didn't seem as strong as the forbidding wood-and-metal alternative I had come to know and be suspicious of, but my wife and I both figured they wouldn't sell this thing (at many multiples of the price of the other) if it wasn't at least as good as the cheaper alternative.
We were wrong. After three days of waiting, I checked on the trap this morning, and found the trap gone from its original location. My wife hadn't moved it, so you can guess what happened. I followed the scrabbling noise to the other end of my garage, and found my little stowaway, her head pinched in the business end of what looked like a not-too-damn-tight overpriced rat trap. With pity, I picked the little devil up and, uh, well, I disposed of her in the most humane way I could think of, let me leave it at that.
Now, what irritates me is that the little blighter wasn't snuffed out quickly, cleanly and relatively painlessly. I paid comparative top dollar for this weak, spring-loaded excuse for a Chinese finger torture, and I wanted the lights to out on Mrs. Fuzzypants quickly, affording me the convenient and guilt free duty of simply dropping her piteous carcass in the trash outside, rather than dropping her still-wriggling, all-too-lively body, trap and all, into a bucket of water and trying not to think about it for a while while she drowns in my garage. The quadruple in price didn't save me that distasteful event, and I'm not too damn happy about it.
I'd hoped to avoid sharing with you the details of her demise, but it seems relevant now. Anyway, the rat's gone, but I certainly don't recommend these pieces of shit very highly. I don't weep for the rat, but I'm human. There's no good reason for the thing to thrash around for how ever many hours it was until I got up in the morning, instead of a quick end. Totally bogus.
December 7th 7:25AM
Bewildering
I wonder what brought this on... I thought things were going so well, log-wise. All good things must come to an end, I guess. I figure there's got to be a story behind it. I hope to hear it.
In other news
Had a good one yesterday. For the second Saturday in a row, my wife, her Ma and I got together for a lunch of wine, cheese, crackers, fruit, and other nibbling snack foods. We toasted noble ideals like we were aristocrats and just enjoyed each others' company. Nice.
December 4th 12:49AM
Feeble, flabby, fainéant
I've been doing really poorly about exercising ever since I got back from my vacation. I acknowledge the need to get out there and shape up some, but if it isn't one thing lately, it's another.
Maybe I should quit drinking - it really takes a lot out of me. Alters my mood, tires me out, and disrupts my sleep, which dicks up the next day entirely. I don't even drink that much - I can't remember the last time I had more than six beers at a time (and that's not due to an alcohol-induced memory lapse). I suspect my liver's just sick of my bullshit, and isn't putting up with it anymore. Maybe I'm just done with drinking, and am slowly realizing it. Maybe. Then again, I feel like I've got some realizing left to do, so don't look for me to dry out anytime soon. On the other hand, I hear pot is making a comeback. Hmm...
December 4th 7:45AM
No news is good news
A nice boring life the last few days - I like it.
Work has been busy but interesting. I'm getting a nice mix of projects to work with, which is much better than many the deadhead tasks I've been treated to over the past months.
Home life is okay. The lovin' is good. I find myself wishing I took more time for something other than television. I think as I get more fired up at work, I want to be intellectually stimulated more at home too, and vice-versa. I need to get into a hobby, but I just don't make the time. All in all though, a very good home life.
Odd
My mom-in-law tells me she saw a rat in the garage. We had mice once, but never a rat. Unlike Joe C., I'm ready willing and able to go for the trap. My brother's kids (who live across the street) have rats. I hope he's not an escapee - but he's going down either way.
December 2nd 7:45AM
Yesterday sucked
Hoo, man, I don't know what my problem was, but since Sunday afternoon, if I could've just turned my back & walked away from the planet, I probably would have. I got something under my skin, and just couldn't let it go. I feel better now, but it was pretty ugly inside my head for a while there. Glad that's over with. Hope that's over with.
Hitched, unhitched, and . . . hitched again?
I found out recently that my brother is planning on getting married again. Wow. Now, I can tell you from experience that the second time around can be a helluva lot better than the first, so I wish him well. His plans are still coalescing, but her name is Laura, and I like her well enough; that's certainly a start.If that's not a resounding endorsement, it's only because I don't know her terribly well yet, but what I know, I like. If she's about to gain a brother-in-law, it'll be a skeptical one. My other in-laws live with it, she can too. :) Best of luck to both of them.