April 29th, 3:26PM
Goat wrangler
So I'm out in the front yard mid-morning, whacking weeds and applying herbicide. I look up, and I am maybe more surprised than I should be to see four goats, standing by the side of the road, looking much like a small gang of middle-schoolers at a liquor store on a school day - nervous and fidgety, trying to look nonchalant, and unsure of just how out of place they appear, or how well they can cover it up.
My neighbor Harold was on the other side of this impromptu herd, trying to keep them from harm while his son made a run up the road to determine the Gang of Four's owner. Since this was the first time I've actually spoken to Harold, I introduced myself. Before this episode ended, we would both know what the other was made of.
The young man returned, and our absent shepherd was as yet undiscovered. As usual, I turned to technology. I found the phone number for Calaveras County Animal Control, and contacted the lone officer on duty. I reported the bewildered bovids to the helpless office jockey, who advised me that she's all the county gets for the day, and she's not coming anytime soon. Minutes later, they called to advise me of the address of someone in my neighborhood who had reported their goats missing, and were quite distraught about it.
I found my goatless neighbors, and led them back to their wayward herd. They thanked me earnestly as I trudged back home to my landscaping. It took me only a minute or two to realize that a) they could use some help, and b) corralling and wrestling goats to somewhere they don't want to go may just be the most fun I've had all week. Back I sprinted.
Me, "June" (a Filipino fellow, I surmise), and George (Mexican, I'm guessing) and Harold's kids set about cornering the horned hoodlums, and I was the lucky boy to tackle to first one! I got one arm around the neck, and another safely but snugly around the ribcage, and I know how fortunate I am not to have caught a horn to the face. Once busted, the goat was fairly cooperative. This is a lot like what I imagine my Dad's beat to be like when he worked midnight shifts with the Manteca Police Department. My new friend George was pitifully trying to secure a makeshift leash around the goat's neck, and doing a real shit job of it. This guy was absolutely the worst knot-tier I've ever run across, and would never make it as a sailor unless he learned to polish the masthead, if you know what I mean.
Finally, he got a very loose, very sloppy knot around my catch's neck, and proceeded to drag the goat down the hill towards his Nissan pickup, alternately cursing in broken English and trying to pull the goats head clean off. I finally took pity on him (and the goat), and scooped the goat up in my arms, and rode in the pickup bed back to the guy's home, about a mile away.
We managed to get two more safely penned up back at El Rancho, and the last goat, by now quite distressed at the absence of his brethren and sistren (sistren?) and very mobile, had made a genius move, especially for a goat. He journeyed into a neighbor's yard which was quite steep, quite hilly, quite rocky, and quite protected by a big, black, shaggy (and allegedly harmless, according to the owner) dog. Doing double duty as both Goat Wrangler and Welcome Wagon, I moved first to the door, so as to introduce myself and my compadres as well as our mission as to just what the flying Hell we were doing trespassing on his property. The Ebony Protector lumbered from his doghouse, and whoofed his displeasure at my ignorant presence, and I immediately retreated to the relative safety of the pickup bed. George stood around for no apparent reason, and let the dog get right up on him. God smiled on George, and George still has all his fluids and tissue (to my knowledge; it's been a few hours now since I've seen George, and anything could have happened).
Anyway - to make a long story over, George and June dropped me off as their fourth and final goat bounced unhappily away over a hundred yards and two houses farther into the distance, and they zipped away in a semi-new Nissan pickup, looking like nothing so much as a small Afghani militia in a camcorder-shot news story.
I returned to my foliage, and for a good while afterwards, I could hear the faint but distinct "Puck!" and "Sheet!" and "Baa-aa-aah" of June and George and Goat Number Four, playing out their personal dramas in the Valley Springs countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
There is only one thing I truly regret, and I can scarcely communicate the depth of this regret: That I didn't grab my camcorder and my daughter (as cameraperson), to secure some video of this ridiculously exciting escapade for posterity and downloading fun. I may never recover from this lost opportunity. I can only hope that this retelling of the story stands in its stead.
It turns out that Harold is a fine neighbor, keeping vigil over someone else's livestock to ensure that they didn't become embedded in someone's bumper, like some ghastly, rural hood ornament. I learned something about myself as well - that I can indeed catch goats with my bare hands. That's one nagging question off my mind. Get it? "Nagging". Har, har.
April 28th, 6:26AM
More Paris notes
Expedia's round-trip flights to Paris are now at a minimum of $730, nearly double what they were a few short months ago. Springtime in Paris may be worth it, but it is costly.
First sneeze of the day
Allergies are driving me mad. I'm glad to see the warm, sunny days of spring, but my allergic reactions are dampening the enthusiasm somewhat. Gah.
Old Levis
Levi Huffman had a birthday this week. He's not old, but in my search for relevant wordplay, this was the best I could do.
Party time
A local buddy is having springtime get-together in a week or so. I am looking forward to going. He advises me that there will be a French-Canadian there, in front of whom I can embarrass myself with my rusty, intermediate French skills. Should be fun.
Bicklenet - on the air
I got a cheap Linksys wireless router at the store my brother hates and got it hooked up yesterday. I had helped a good friend do it once before, and this process was precisely the same, right down to the botched setup program that comes on the Linksys CD. It kept demanding a password and nothing I gave it was acceptable. So, I winged it over to the Linksys website and ran their Linksys Easy Connect program from the "Router's initial setup" link. This took care of everything, and it's all good now. Hopefully this entry and link help another lost soul set up his router without a problem sometime in the future.
I feel like a rich man. I am now good to go for surfing from my kitchen, or out on the deck, a few walls and several dozen yards away. I have tried the farther-distant sitting area/firepit, but we don't have electricity out there yet, anyway.
April 25th, 8:20AM
"French innovation?" Okay
Last one, I promise. Expatica.com reports that: "President Jacques Chirac on Tuesday unveiled plans to invest in six major high-tech projects — including a European rival to the search engine Google — in a bid to secure France's place as a world leader in industrial innovation."
Good for them. Every single thing you read about the French talks about how they're a fallen state, clinging to former glories. Let them win a little glory back in contemporary times.
April 25th, 8:00AM
Kissing your sister
Expatica.com reports that: "... mayors of Paris and San Francisco signed a "digital sister-cities" pact to foster collaboration between technology entrepreneurs." I'm all for it. It can only do good things.
Hold it right there, Pal...estinian
Expatica also reports: "France refuses entry visa to Palestinian minister." That's great. Apparently, the EU wasn't kidding about that whole 'We aren't dealing with you terrorist dicks' thing.
Paris Webcams - why not?
I am glad to see that abcparislive.com (among other webcams) is still doing what they do.
I still get chills looking at The Pantheon, remembering my solitary moments there.
Did I mention that I'm happy to have a decent connection? Mmmm, sweet like candy...
April 24th, 7:43AM
Mmm, skunky
Did I mention that our dog got loose from her deck domain last week, and got sprayed by a skunk? No? Well, she did. Just having her outside stunk up the entire house. Luckily, my wife has some magic dog shampoo, and it did the trick. Thank God - I'd thought we'd have to dip her in boiling oil to get the stink out.
Did I mention that over the last few months, all of our chickens and ducks have either been frightened away, or more likely been eaten alive, by a skunk? Well, they have. It sucks too, because my wife really liked having them around. I dislike the idea of their suffering on general principle, but outside of that, it didn't really pierce my consciousness.
Did I mention that we've been setting a store-bought trap for a few weeks now, with the bait getting got, but no prey being captured? No? Well, we have. (Wait for it...) You could say we got skunked! Oh, that was a bad one, I'll admit.
Michelle's Pop came over recently, and lent us his trap, and my daughter reports that the carnivorous little varmint is finally trapped outside. Success!
It's spring again, when a young man's fancy turns to landscaping
I've been throwing myself at the countryside again this spring, applying herbicide, trimming mercilessly that which grows too long too fast, and doing some cleaning and spit-polishing besides. It's been a lot of work, but aside from the allergies that cause seizure-like sneezes and sinuses locked up tighter than a frog's anus, I like the work.
Since our old trimmer is feeling its age and only running reliably for the first 15 minutes of use, we knuckled under and purchased a Ryobi BC30 for about $160 at some big-box hardware mall in Stockton. It comes with a metal blade attachment, as well as a string trimmer. I spent hours yesterday whacking the blade against rocks, making the pretty sparks. Not gonna be good in the dry summer climate, but for now, it's safe enough. It ran reliably the entire time, for which I'm thankful. It's a good thing, too, because the old trimmer had me cursing and trembling with rage at it's on-again, off-again performance. It's lucky to be in one piece.
April 22nd, 7:14AM
And the heavens smiled upon me, with their crooked little smile
I am thrilled to say that I did get my DSL connection (via Cal DSL) successfully installed yesterday. The only constant in my life, inexplicable difficulty infesting even the simplest of procedures like carnivorous bacteria, proved alive and well. The process was stilted, troubled and imperfect, right to the end, with several hours' worth of effort from Jack, our installer, and the threat of it not coming off at all at a couple of junctures.
Early on, the signal was just outside some range - that range being between 70 and 80, and our signal showed at 81. I don't know what this measures, but that's what we had. Jack tried to explain its meaning, but it was all I could do to read it back to him in terms I could understand: "That means the signal might to crappy to bother with?" The reply was yes, and I was in the loop once again. Geekspeak loses another round.
Once set up, a mere six hours later, while the service functioned on Jack's laptop, it refused to work on my desktop or my laptop. Jack packed up his equipment and he headed back down the hill. Although he was quite pleasant all day, impressively so, I imagine he was glad to be done with this gig.
The service finally got going, and has been up and down since last night, but I am enjoying the euphoria of the "up" period right now, browsing like an ADD-afflicted coke junkie with a facial tic, clicking and scanning and clicking some more. I may even try Skype before this is all over.
I must thank my Dad for being instrumental in getting this service going. Without his help, I wouldn't have even known they existed. Thanks, man!
Still trying
I did make time for exercise yesterday, managing to do some free weights work, focusing on my legs, while watching my son.
April 21st, 7:35AM
Still counting
Another day, another pound... It's not that bad yet, but it's not that good. I'm up another pound, to 202, and I have no illusions as to why. I simply haven't watched what I eat, and I let days slip by without exercise. I've got to get serious about this.
I find that the habit-changing process is very similar across disparate habits. Whether it's smoking or losing weight, motivation, discipline and perseverance all play their parts. I'm okay with perseverance, but motivation and discipline could use a lot of work.
Less a dump than before
After months of surveying our domain, my wife and I rallied our good intentions and started to act to better our surroundings. We began work around our firepit/sitting area yesterday, and it felt pretty good. I applied herbicide to the prickly and tenacious weeds that have sprung up in the hard-scrabble clay earth to the northwest of our home. After that, we attacked the wooden bridge that spans a "seasonal creek" nearby, sanding the grimy surface down and applying the first of many coats of indoor/outdoor varathane to it.
It felt good to do something about the place, whose condition we've watched slip from fair to something certainly less since we moved in a year ago. It was no surprise that it would be some work to keep up the place when we moved in. What really slowed us down is that much of the work is unfamiliar, and speaking for myself, I am afraid to try something new, usually for fear of damaging the item I'm improving. Eventually, we realized that doing nothing can be as damaging as any botched repair, so we do what we can. As I said, it feels good.
And holy shit, did I mention it's been a year since we moved in here? We should have a party or somethin'.
Bandwidth forthwith
As I said to my daughter this morning, happiness is having something to look forward to. Today, I look forward to having a technician visit our place to see if his company can provide us with something better than dialup.
Egads, how I am sickened by this terrible connectivity. I often pride myself on getting by with less, but even with that ideal of noble poverty I find that limping along with at best 24kbps makes life difficult and patience a requirement for any soul, much less someone who uses the Internet for their livelihood.
So, I sincerely hope that this afternoon will find me the newest high-powered Internaut.
SEO Speedwagon
I have been researching search engine optimization tutorials, shining light into a field of which, until recently, I had very little knowledge. I had tried to learn about this stuff before, but I just couldn't find the right materials, or it wasn't "clicking." The articles I've run across recently are of a different batch, and begin to make good sense. It's a relief, as I was beginning to worry that I was a simple idiot.
April 19th, 6:51AM
Keeping track
Pressed for time, just want to make a few notes:
We bought a used quad ATV on Sunday, a 2003 Yamaha Wolverine 350 4x4. I'm told we got a good deal.
I finally finished my video class last night, for real this time. I was excited to hear people finally come out and verbalize their ideas for productions, including a spy show and a fishing program. People had been so tight-lipped, I had begun to wonder if anybody had any ideas at all! I also found out that the use and judicious mention of sponsors is totally legit, and allowed. That adds a whole new dimension to this thing, and I hadn't considered it before. Hmmm...
April 16th, 7:19AM
201... and counting
It was inescapable, really. What with all the Cadbury Creme Eggs and similar snacking, it was bound to happen. I finally have transgressed the boundary that my metabolism had been using as equilibrium: 200 pounds. This morning, I weighed in at 201 even, booting through the tripwire I have set for myself, the 200-pound limit I have promised myself that once crossed, I would yank back the reins on this selfish, greedy beast that overtakes me in the afternoon hours, sending me to root through the cabinets for snacks that only months ago held no sway over me.
Ech, I don't know if I can do it again. I had hoped to lose another ten pounds before summer, and fantasized about myself prancing around Hogan Reservoir shirtless and proud. Not at this rate. It seemed almost magical, even at the time, when I was shedding pounds like a molting snake sheds its skin. The combination of restraint, nutrition and exercise were partly my own doing, partly fate, and partly divine intervention.
I refuse to put the weight back on - I refuse, do you hear me?! Pardon me now, I must go get a cup of sugary coffee. Oh, and my wife gave me a delightful little package of those Cadbury Mini Creme Eggs I like so much... They are fattening, but they're so little! Ooooh...
April 15th, 6:57AM
Do that to me one more time
I forgot to mention - last Tuesday was to be our last video class, but since we had a few nights cancelled during the course, the instructor decided to add a day, making next week's class the final night.
I was disappointed, not only because I am looking forward to being done with night classes (my absence is sometime a burden on my wife), but also because the last few classes have focused on non-linear editing, a topic with which I'm familiar. In this case, familiarity breeds boredom. I feel like we're walking around a brightly lit room, testing out our new flashlights. I want to shine light on the darker corners, and find new things there.
It's about time this thing started pulling its weight
I was talking on Tuesday morning to a local businessperson about partnering up on some website development gigs. It sounds like a good opportunity to learn, grow, develop a good product and make some money, so we're moving forward.
What struck me was that during our conversation, as we interviewed each other, I began to lay out my point of view and what he could expect from me, and he tut-tutted me, saying: "Don't worry about that - I've been reading your blog, and I have a pretty good idea of what you can do and where you're coming from. I think you've got the mindset and skills we're looking for."
I avoid linking my regular website to this blog, but I certainly don't imagine this thing is a secret, either. Still, I quickly flipped through a mental inventory of just what I might have posted on this thing - my God, I am free to write some crazy stuff here - and then I did the same thing I always do when feeling anxious about anyone reading this space: I let it go. People will think and say what they'll think and say. Hell, he seemed to come away with something positive; so much the better.
Mo' drama
or:
Bickering, Nitpicking Incessantly
Oh, what a week it has been for my little networking group in Lodi. We generate nothing so much as word-of-mouth referrals and drama.
Without going into detail, one guy wanted to market something that another guy already has rights to, and people being people, this prickly little cactus jabbed a few members before we were done passing it around.
On one hand, I'm glad the issue was raised, because the unspoken issue was beginning to fester, and somebody had to say something. On the other hand, rules and fairness clearly demand that the status quo be kept, irritating some of our higher-quality members. It's an unfortunate point in this sequence of events, but I have to think that the right decision was made.
What I really enjoyed was the level of honesty that this discussion elicited from some members. When I spoke to one member, who does not share my opinion in the matter, he spoke with fearless conviction. I'll paraphrase his statement: "I know it (his preferred course of action) isn't the fair thing to do - and I don't care! We should do it this way and that, and screw the consequences."
I shouldn't have been surprised - I've known this member long enough that I should anticipate his enmity for rules and procedure; He has a non-conformist streak that is easy to admire. I am glad though, that we can disagree, communicate our viewpoints, and remain friends. It could have easily turned into a shouting match, and didn't. That is damned rare, and very valuable to me.
In the end, I think the difficult and correct decision was made. The tipping point is that the alternative to our chosen, dull, unadventurous path is to favor favorites, and ignore rules, fairness and prior commitments. That's not a group I want to be a part of.
April 11th, 1:20PM
I feel great
Yesterday was an awesome day. Rarely do I have an entire day that is that rewarding. My wife took my son and abandoned the house, leaving me to work. Of the many projects that swirl around in the clutter of my mind, I plucked a few from the air, and got working. Several hours later, I had made big progress on them, and it was a great feeling. Having addressed some of the nagging to-do's that hang over me lightened my load incredibly, and I was on a high the rest of the day. I celebrated by beering and barbecuing, and haunting my family with my gleefully obnoxious demeanor. Surely, they are convinced that I was possessed; also surely, they prefer this cheerful demon to the churlish one that typically inhabits this sack of hair and flab. What a good day.
The barbecuing in particular, was a mad event. With storm clouds swirling all around but no rain actually falling, I loaded up a tray of raw chicken, and headed for the grill. As soon as I applied sauce to meat, the heavens ripped open and dumped hundreds of gallons of chilly rain and hail upon my deck, grill and food. Soaked through my T-shirt and sweat pants, while the wind and hail snuffed out my propane flames and surrounded by the roar of precipitation clobbering my immediate vicinity, I cheered and wailed at the insanity of it: "Woohoooo! Let's see Julia Child do this, motherf**ker!! Yeaaaaah!!" If I've ever wondered why we're never invited to neighborhood functions, I need wander no farther than this episode for explanation.
Today continues the productive streak. Except for a leisurely lunch break, I keep chipping away at the stone, and making progress. Goodgoodgood.
My video class's final meeting is tonight; I look forward to it. We'll discuss all of the stuff that we cannot or should not produce for air. I will be looking for loopholes through which to slip some subversiveness.
April 8th, 7:20AM
Been a long time since I rock and rolled
Eesh, I haven't blogged in over a week; and exactly a week between the last entry and the one before it. Don't you just hate it when bloggers get all lazy? I know I do. What can I say - I've been busy; the kind of busy that isn't as fun to talk about. (What a copout. I should make it fun.)
So... I've missed you. What shall we talk about? How about family?
My wife is great, as usual. Our relationship has been much freer of the tension that I create by inventing things to be upset about. I have been better about that, and therefore have been treating her more like she deserves to be treated. We took our boy to Hogan Reservoir yesterday on a very spontaneous picnic.
Many of the day use areas were either closed off or still flooded enough as to scare off the casual recreationalist. We planned to go to Wrinkle Cove, because they have a Port-O-Let for nature's more discrete requirements. We arrived to find the Port-O-Let bobbing gently in the wind-swept waves of Hogan's banks. Indeed, the water has risen quite a bit lately. That would have made for a great photo, but I let it slip by me.
We continued on to find another day use area, this one with toilets inside a cinder block building and stationary. The entire road was littered with a ring of driftwood and scum and other flotsam that marked the high water mark from recent storms. We weaved the truck through the obstacles, and opened up several plastic bags of picnic lunch.
I brought basic swim gear because it was a bright, warm-looking day, but I got in up to my knees, and experienced second thoughts. Second thoughts and aortic arrhythmia. Once my shins turned blue and my heart started missing beats, I acknowledged that it was a little too cold to be doodling around this day.
Four minutes later, I decide I was a big puss if I didn't heave myself in, so I ran to the edge and my first cannonball of 2006 was sloppily executed, much to the horror of my wife. She stared in amazement, like she'd seen a car wreck. I don't blame her; me running around with my shirt off is a lot to take in.
Early on, Brian ran from his mother and in his haste, face-planted on the asphalt, somewhat marring the beginning of the trip as well as the flesh on his forehead. He spent the rest of the trip happily chucking rocks at and into the water. It's always surprising how little it takes to amuse him, if you can only discover the trick. At the end, he fell backwards into the icy surf, and wore the some look of ghastly surprise his mother did when I hopped wildly into the chilly murk. He was quickly hauled out, and play soon resumed.
Mackenzie, if you're wondering, was at school, and missed the fun. However, fear not. She would have no doubt become quickly and aloofly bored, and would likely be glad she missed the trip. Instead, we outfitted her with a birthday gift and some walking-around money later that night, and sent he to a friend's birthday party at a regional, Chuck E. Cheese-type funland until the late hours of the evening. This, I assume, is more her speed than wandering around a chilly, breezy lake, doing something unimaginably dull, like enjoying her family's company. Dreary, eh? Yes, certainly.
Well, that's all I've got for now. See you next week?